


a reality that never was

by Anonymous



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Guilt, M/M, Married Sheith, Nightmares, Shiro (Voltron) Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-04
Updated: 2019-07-04
Packaged: 2020-06-03 16:46:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19468036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Sometimes your worst enemy is yourself and all the regrets that still linger.





	a reality that never was

He's used to his husband having nightmares, it comes with the territory of lingering PTSD no matter how many times he's watched Shiro get up and throw a massive _fuck you_ in its face. The arm-wrestling tournament on Clear Day, facing Honerva after she was the one who tried to turn him into a machine, fighting Sendak, accepting missions to other planets no matter what's waiting for him there.

He's in therapy now, and sometimes Keith attends the sessions with him, because some of the memories can be hard to talk about alone. Sometimes they discuss Keith's lingering issues as well, because they're a family, and family looks out for each other.

It's better than it used to be, but when it hits, it hits him hard. Keith doesn't mind comforting and talking with him, just like Shiro doesn't mind sitting and holding his hand whenever he's feeling sad about missing Dad or any Blades he couldn't protect on missions.

But when Shiro awakens one night, apologizing over and over again for _hurting Keith, giving up on him, choosing another, ruining his life,_ Keith is floored.

"Shiro...what are you-"

"I abandoned you," Shiro murmurs, "I ignored you on purpose and then I married someone else in front of you. I _hurt_ you, after all you've done for me I threw you away! I'm so sorry!" And Keith just _looks_ at him, he wants to tell him how utterly _ridiculous_ that is because they're _married_ , and even in the realities where they don't end up together they're still best friends.

He knows better than to dismiss a nightmare as ridiculous or crazy, but hearing Shiro mutter all this self-flagellation for things he's _never done in a single reality_ pretty much _is._

"Shiro." He takes his hands, looking him squarely in the eye. "Takashi, my husband, love of my life. Can you please tell me what the actual _fuck_ you're talking about?"

"Ah..." Shiro shakes his head, as if he wasn't fully back before. He pulls Keith close, holding him so tightly Keith can barely breathe for a moment. "Sorry. I...this wasn't just a nightmare, it was-I don't even know where to begin, this _voice,_ someone just-like maybe I don't _deserve-_ "

He's shaking badly and Keith closes his eyes, regretting his earlier reaction. Because he's had enough of those nightmares, telling him he was a bad leader and a terrible person who kept running away and hurting his friends. How he wasn't strong enough to save Shiro, until the day he _was_ and that was the day he ruined Shiro's life by "stealing" his lion. Or how he nearly got the team killed on more than one occasion.

Regret is a powerful enemy, and when your brain decides to be mean, it can use that regret against you.

He doesn't say anything for a few moments, letting Shiro hold him, returning the embrace. He can feel Shiro's heart beating a mile a minute, and his own heart aches for him.

"It was before we left to take on Honerva for the last time," Shiro finally says. "The dream. It was a reality where I pushed you away and ignored you every time you tried to talk or spend time with me, and I was so... _blatant_ about it. I let people insult you, hurt you, didn't care when your life was in danger..."

"You've never done these things in _any_ reality," Keith said. "Besides, I'm not some fragile piece of glass that'll break if you're not carrying me everywhere."

"I _know_ , but..." Shiro sighs, and Keith can sense him trying to fight back tears. "After all that, I married another guy and didn't even say goodbye when you left forever. You left Earth and I was too busy kissing my husband to _care!_ "

"Wait, what? You got married and I-"

"You left." Shiro hugs him tightly. "You left with the Blade and I never saw you again. You spent the whole wedding hurt and angry and then you...you were _gone,_ and it was my fault. I took you for granted after all you _did_ for me, the least I could have done was-"

"Stop right there." Keith pulls back, looking him firmly in the eye. "Takashi Shirogane, I don't _own_ you and I never did. I didn't do everything I could for you to make you love me, I did it _because_ I love you. In this reality, you loved me back and when you told me it was the happiest day of my life!"

Shiro sighs, shaking his head, glancing down at his and Keith's wedding rings, his eyes heavy with unshed tears. His hand slowly reaches upward, fingers grazing the scar on Keith's cheek.

"But this still happened." And instantly Keith realizes what this must be about.

"Shiro," he whispers, "you're not still..."

"We never talked about it. I attacked you, I tried to _kill you,_ you almost _fell to your death_ because of me and I..." His hand trembles, and Keith clasps it, squeezing tightly.

"It wasn't you. Not in the sense that it was even a different body, either, Haggar was controlling you," he says quietly. "She would have done the same even with the real you, through your arm."

"I still hurt you." Shiro's barely even looking at him now. "I love you more than my own life, and I hurt you."

Deep down, Keith had a feeling it was about that fight, even when Shiro's words and reactions confused him. They've seen realities where Shiro married another person, Keith as his best man, both of them smiling. Where Shiro didn't leap to his defense at every turn, but still made sure he was okay, told Keith he was proud of him for handling a situation better than he would in the past. Where work and busy schedules meant _all_ of them kind of lost sight of each other outside of battles, because that's how life is sometimes.

 _Sometimes we don't realize ourselves what's bothering us,_ Shiro's therapist had once said.

Keith had always thought they hadn't _needed_ to talk about the fight, that maybe Shiro wouldn't want to bring up that memory again. It had only come up once, briefly, and they'd both backed away from talking about it. And for a while, that seemed to work just fine. They'd confessed their feelings, gotten married, started a new life together.

_But the elephant in the room just stayed there, and we just let it._

"We should have talked about that day," Keith finally says. "I'm sorry, Shiro."

"I'm sorry for being so weird," Shiro sighs, running a hand through his hair. "I know dreams are just like that, but..."

"I know." Keith hugs him again, burying his face against his chest. He remembers quite a few dreams of physically attacking the team or abandoning someone to their luck, calling them dead weight, telling them that only beating Lotor mattered. All because he felt guilty for leaving them in the first place.

"I love you," Shiro murmurs, cradling his head against his chest, stroking his hair. "More than anything, I love you."

"I know, Takashi," Keith whispers. "I love you, too."

Their lips meet in a soft kiss, Shiro's metal hand caressing Keith's cheek, thumb grazing his scar. Keith can feel his heartbeat return to normal.

"So," he murmurs when their lips part, "who was the guy you married in that dream? So far I've seen you get married to Matt Holt and Adam in a world where he somehow survived being blown up." Shiro laughs a little, pulling him closer.

"Curtis, my communications officer."

"Oh, the guy Veronica's going out with?" Keith grins. "He's pretty cute. Can't blame another you for going for him!" Shiro blushes.

" _Keith!_ " But he's smiling, like all of the tension's been lifted from his heart at least for now. He nestles as close as he can, Shiro's arms locked protectively around him.

"I'm glad we live in this reality, though."

"Me too, Keith," Shiro sighs, kissing the top of his head. "I'll never give up on you."

"You never have."

Eventually, Shiro is able to fall asleep again, Keith staying up to watch over him just a moment more before his eyes grow heavy and he lets slumber claim him, too.

**Author's Note:**

> Seriously, folks, Shiro didn't "ruin Keith's life" or "hurt him" by marrying someone else, Keith was never entitled to Shiro's cock and he knew it and if he knew people were bashing his bestie for such dumbass reasons he'd be disgusted. AUs are canon, focus on the ones where Shiro marries Keith instead of demonizing him for the ones where he doesn't. Thanks for coming to my TED talk.


End file.
